Current Work:
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The following timeline tracks the visual portion of Anna Fox Ryan's research path.
This is my exploration of connection & separation in relationships
In 2003 I knew I was dedicating my life to understanding personal power, what it was, what it meant, and how it can be activated. In 2007 I was finishing my undergraduate studies in illustration and painting. My real studies were just beginning
Since 2010 I’ve studied the expression of power in individuals and their relationships. This included self-directed studies in psychology, indigenous energy medicine practices, 20+ years of relationship assessment with University of Virginia's Graduate Psychology department, leadership training, Authentic Relating communication training, studies in masculine and feminine polarity and integration, leading conscious feminine and creation groups and more.
During my course of study I documented my observations through oil paintings and drawings, understanding that this was the best way to 1.) integrate the information into my body and 2.) to teach it to others who are most likely visual learners as well (studies show that over 65% of the population are visual learners).
I interpreted power through a variety of lenses, from the blunt physical to the subtle energetic. I distilled the behavior into camps of separation and connection, which can also be understood as navigating the fields of suffering and pleasure.
My paintings have served as a tool to document my personal processes. The chronology of them becomes a trail of beacons marking my path thus far and the teachings I’ve collected along the way.
Since 2010 I’ve studied the expression of power in individuals and their relationships. This included self-directed studies in psychology, indigenous energy medicine practices, 20+ years of relationship assessment with University of Virginia's Graduate Psychology department, leadership training, Authentic Relating communication training, studies in masculine and feminine polarity and integration, leading conscious feminine and creation groups and more.
During my course of study I documented my observations through oil paintings and drawings, understanding that this was the best way to 1.) integrate the information into my body and 2.) to teach it to others who are most likely visual learners as well (studies show that over 65% of the population are visual learners).
I interpreted power through a variety of lenses, from the blunt physical to the subtle energetic. I distilled the behavior into camps of separation and connection, which can also be understood as navigating the fields of suffering and pleasure.
My paintings have served as a tool to document my personal processes. The chronology of them becomes a trail of beacons marking my path thus far and the teachings I’ve collected along the way.
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2007 - 2010: Industrial Energy
Theme: Separation & Imbalanced Power
The most visually apparent expression of power on our earth is the industry that covers it. As I painted from photos and on-site observations of power plants, I could feel the wounded and diseased domination-based power that exists in our infrastructure. I became present to the contrasting dynamics of taking without consent vs. accepting what is willingly given. Although I was looking at environmental relationships this also felt uncomfortably familiar in human relationships. What I felt while painting the impact of industry on our earth mirrors the feelings I have when one seeks to dominate or suppress me in a relationship. These are feelings of loss, feeling intimidated, and as though I am unacknowledged or disappearing. I felt tremendous anger, but only as anger is the loving protector of sadness and pain. I felt violated, penetrated, and taken, without collaboration or consent. Clearly, this was a painful experience. While painting these manmade structures my truest intention was to paint balanced power; a generative power instead of a depleting power. I sought to paint the purest power of consciousness as experienced by women and men. However, the visual language of industrial structures was too corrosive to introduce into the human form. I tried a few paintings of figures with industrial power motifs, however I felt I was painting disease. I chose to stop, deciding that pain and disease is not what needed to be manifested into this world, nor into my body as the conduit. I needed a new visual language for power, and there began my search for a language that could accurately convey energy and power in its truest, most potent form. Concluding Observations: In a depleting relationship, imbalance of power is expressed when one privileges their desires, needs, and personal gain over the other or that of the whole. When the privileged one removes choice from the partnering party, trust fractures, resources deplete rapidly, the quality of relationship erodes, and the possibilities for future growth become exponentially limited. In a generative relationship, both parties hold equal value and consensual collaboration can thrive on physical, psychological, emotional, and energetic levels, allowing for fruitful long-term growth. |
Triptych. Oil on 3 panels. 48x54 inches. 2007
Apocalypse. Oil on panel. 48x48 inches. 2008
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2007-2008: Power Series
Themes: Separation & War
The 2008 presidential campaigns were in full swing and the tensions ran high, especially in the South where I was living at the time. I chose to translate the tension and power plays observed in the presidential race using a cast of industrial structures. Using power poles instead of the specific humans who inspired me, this allowed me to explore the underlying quality of intentions and exchanges via the core movement of energy. Doing so without depicting any person or party kept the subjects anonymous. It kept attention on the energy and off of the meaningless details that would surely create a partisan response. In creating this series, I came to believe that power imbalance in relationship begins with a belief that survival is based on separation, "It's either you or me." This belief is activated through judgement. (I interpret judgement as having a charge of right or wrong, and differentiate this from discernment which I consider a tool in neutral decision making.) When either party is judged as superior or inferior, right or wrong, safe or threatening, worthy or unworthy, etc. the other party is seen as the opposition instead of a collaborator. The other becomes and obstacle instead of a partner. Acting upon judgement creates a chain reaction of rejection, ultimately rejecting the relationship as it is being experienced in the present moment. Rejection of connection leads to desperation and varying levels of violence in thought and/or action. Judgement and rejection of connection also perpetuates rigidity in belief systems, creating weakness in the system. This rigid and fragile belief is usually based in a fear, and the violent reaction is intended to preserve the Self or preemptively demonstrate oneself as strong to ward off potential attacks. I'll use myself as an example of what this might look like in a real world scenario. I noticed in certain confrontational circumstances I would prematurely assume that the Other would not support me when I communicated my needs. Operating from this assumption and attachment to separation, I became preemptively defensive. This resulted in my communications being sharp, closed off, and final instead of soft, open, and collaborative. When engaging in this way I was consistently received by the Other as aggressive, thus creating the exact confrontation I originally feared and had hoped to avoid. |
"Power Struggle" Charcoal on Rives BFK. 22x30 inches. 2008
"Battle Remains" Charcoal on Rives BFK. 22x30 inches. 2008
"Shields Up"
Charcoal on Rives BFK. 22x30 inches. 2008
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The rigid attachment to separation ultimately proves as weakness, deteriorating the connection in relationship and therefore removing the potential for future growth and possibility. Compromise in relationship is sometimes confused with weakness but this flexibility actually requires far greater inner strength and a presence of caring, far more so than that which is unable to bend under pressure. This is consistently demonstrated by the power poles splintering and snapping under pressure throughout the Power Series.
In this series of drawings, the rigid power poles perfectly mimic the rigidity and fragility within the belief systems commonly held by we the people of the divided parties of the United States. Our brittle attachment to separation and our rejection and judgement toward any connections prohibits the growth that would otherwise be possible in connection and collaboration.
By entering interactions with a curiosity and desire to connect I am invest in shared benefit and care for the needs of all involved parties. This is collaboration: flexible, explorative, playful, and feminine.
Concluding Observations:
Rigid belief systems create hard edges in relationship, defining the self based upon that which it is separate from.
As rigid belief systems attach to separation relationships fail to sustain long-term existence or growth.
Sustainable long term growth in relationship requires flexibility in beliefs, and communication of needs and desires.
Flexible belief systems create permeable edges in relationship that actively attract opportunities for connection and co-creation.
Flexible people, relationships and systems are more able to adapt to evolutionary requirements and have a stronger potential for long-term survival.
In this series of drawings, the rigid power poles perfectly mimic the rigidity and fragility within the belief systems commonly held by we the people of the divided parties of the United States. Our brittle attachment to separation and our rejection and judgement toward any connections prohibits the growth that would otherwise be possible in connection and collaboration.
By entering interactions with a curiosity and desire to connect I am invest in shared benefit and care for the needs of all involved parties. This is collaboration: flexible, explorative, playful, and feminine.
Concluding Observations:
Rigid belief systems create hard edges in relationship, defining the self based upon that which it is separate from.
As rigid belief systems attach to separation relationships fail to sustain long-term existence or growth.
Sustainable long term growth in relationship requires flexibility in beliefs, and communication of needs and desires.
Flexible belief systems create permeable edges in relationship that actively attract opportunities for connection and co-creation.
Flexible people, relationships and systems are more able to adapt to evolutionary requirements and have a stronger potential for long-term survival.
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2010-2014: Illuminated Portraiture
Themes: Perceiving Electromagnetic Energy Fields
In 2010 I moved to Philadelphia for my then-husband's MFA. I painted self-portraits in response to feeling lost in a new city and job, both of which were outside my comfort zone. I began to perceive hazy colors and light around the body. When I tuned into myself to feel what they represented, they felt like expressions of the body's electromagnetic energy fields. Color and light are frequencies, so it made sense that it would appear in this way. Kirlian photography is another example of the electromagnetic field captured as color. My curiosity around this new way of seeing resulted in paintings of figures with their energy bodies colorfully illuminated. I was not manipulating my vision to create a "perfect" or ideal energy flow, I was simply painting what I could see of the human expression of energy. An authentic human expression of energy is not always organized or even pretty because all of us have experienced challenges and traumas which impact how our energy looks, moves, and expresses in behavior. I did make the choice to only paint generative energy. To place my attention on anyone's energy is to acknowledge, validate, and nurture it. I only wanted to do so with energy that felt healthy or supportive to the individuals and to myself. During this time I began my studies in consciousness development. I learned about and engaged in astral projection at the Monroe Institute in Frazer Virginia. I learned about and engaged in indigenous practices of shamanism in the Q'ero and Shipibo cultures in Peru and through the Four Winds Society Founded by Dr. Alberto Villdolo Ph.D.. Through my research, my intuitive and perceptive skills enhanced. I came into close contact with worlds, and parts of myself and others that were too vast to describe through the limitations of words or even representational images. The human form, in all it's complex simplicity and elegance, was also a limitation. Form in itself was too specific. All forms have edges that separate them from other forms. Form provides a container in which energy is stored and can move. To paint the energetic exchanges between forms, such as people, the planet, organ systems, I had to explore the formless. I had to go abstract. Concluding observations: As the context of experience changes, so changes the quality and presence of energy in myself and the surrounding environment. As I offer my attention and action to that which holds the strongest sensation of energy, maximum growth is received. |
"Anna - Brow Chakra" Oil on penal. 11x14 inches. 2010
"Prophet - Throat Chakra" oil on panel. 14x20 inches. 20013
"The Runner" oil on panel. 36x48 inches. 2014.
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2012: Initiation
Themes: Discomfort of Reconnection
To release my own attachment to separation I had to shift my vision away from the separation inherent to form, and toward the formless. With no form to reference for imagery, I had to heighten my sensitivity to that which is formless. This means growing my awareness of and ability to perceive subtleties in emotion, fear, beliefs, attachment to my past, memories, stories, intentions and anything that I could possibly feel. I learned to decipher what energy belonged to me, and what belonged to others. Who am I? Who are they? What is the intention and quality of our connection? These are the sorts of questions I'd ask. I learned to track energy the same way one would track an animal in the wild. This was a development of my connection to Self, and a way of remembering myself on a vibrational level.
My exploration of connection included all relationship with all beings, surroundings, and natural forces. (This came from my shamanic studies.) This meant finding or creating a balance in relationship with myself, my peers, the earth, the cosmos, and all forces and elements of nature. To create this connection I began by acknowledging the many, many areas of my beliefs and behaviors in which I was not in connection. I identified my own belief systems and patterns of thought in which I was separated and rejecting of my own history, relationship to my body, and my emotions. The pain of each separation had been rippling out into my external relationships for years, and I'd been blind to it, blaming others for my pain and seeking escape. No more. I took responsibility (and it was SO uncomfortable!)
To resolve this I began with my attention. I placed my attention on that which felt out of balance. Being out of balance felt like anger, frustration, annoyance, fear. These are feelings that are charged or heightened to get my attention. These exist because at some point in my past I learned through experience that they were threatening. Sometimes the threats were real, often they were just my perceptions. I then set intentions one-by-one to create balance, and allowed myself to receive and engage in the opportunities that would inevitably arise to answer my request for balance.
As I did this I put my attention on energy movement through and around our bodies. I perceived shapes and colors that represented blocks within a person's electromagnetic field. These were the imbalances as expressed energetically, creating dense areas of energy that presented as color and shape and blocked the natural flow of energy. It was like seeing an energetic shield prohibiting their most natural and comfortable life expression. This shield kept their energy from moving out to connect, and it kept the energy of others from moving in to connect. Some avenues for energy flow remained open, others required a detour, while others were totally blocked and stagnated. This energy presented as colored shapes with varying degrees of density. (To be clear, I am not judging the shield, only identifying it as present and detrimental to connection with self and others. I understand these energetic shields are created in the name of protection and safety and that they can be dismantled once in a safe environment. I will speak more on this later.)
I began to paint my perceptions of energy beyond form. Through abstract language I began to paint portraits of myself in relationship with others.
Concluding observation:
As I move my attention away from the predefined roles, labels, and expectations of who I am in the context of my external world I put my attention on the changing abstract and intangible parts of my current experience (emotions, fears, memories, reactions). As I acknowledge and take ownership over what is real for me in the present, I have the opportunity to take responsibility for my inner experience, and claim the power needed to transcend old detrimental patterns. I become my real-time creator of self.
Themes: Discomfort of Reconnection
- The search for Self
- Releasing that which does not serve
- Integrating new wisdom
To release my own attachment to separation I had to shift my vision away from the separation inherent to form, and toward the formless. With no form to reference for imagery, I had to heighten my sensitivity to that which is formless. This means growing my awareness of and ability to perceive subtleties in emotion, fear, beliefs, attachment to my past, memories, stories, intentions and anything that I could possibly feel. I learned to decipher what energy belonged to me, and what belonged to others. Who am I? Who are they? What is the intention and quality of our connection? These are the sorts of questions I'd ask. I learned to track energy the same way one would track an animal in the wild. This was a development of my connection to Self, and a way of remembering myself on a vibrational level.
My exploration of connection included all relationship with all beings, surroundings, and natural forces. (This came from my shamanic studies.) This meant finding or creating a balance in relationship with myself, my peers, the earth, the cosmos, and all forces and elements of nature. To create this connection I began by acknowledging the many, many areas of my beliefs and behaviors in which I was not in connection. I identified my own belief systems and patterns of thought in which I was separated and rejecting of my own history, relationship to my body, and my emotions. The pain of each separation had been rippling out into my external relationships for years, and I'd been blind to it, blaming others for my pain and seeking escape. No more. I took responsibility (and it was SO uncomfortable!)
To resolve this I began with my attention. I placed my attention on that which felt out of balance. Being out of balance felt like anger, frustration, annoyance, fear. These are feelings that are charged or heightened to get my attention. These exist because at some point in my past I learned through experience that they were threatening. Sometimes the threats were real, often they were just my perceptions. I then set intentions one-by-one to create balance, and allowed myself to receive and engage in the opportunities that would inevitably arise to answer my request for balance.
As I did this I put my attention on energy movement through and around our bodies. I perceived shapes and colors that represented blocks within a person's electromagnetic field. These were the imbalances as expressed energetically, creating dense areas of energy that presented as color and shape and blocked the natural flow of energy. It was like seeing an energetic shield prohibiting their most natural and comfortable life expression. This shield kept their energy from moving out to connect, and it kept the energy of others from moving in to connect. Some avenues for energy flow remained open, others required a detour, while others were totally blocked and stagnated. This energy presented as colored shapes with varying degrees of density. (To be clear, I am not judging the shield, only identifying it as present and detrimental to connection with self and others. I understand these energetic shields are created in the name of protection and safety and that they can be dismantled once in a safe environment. I will speak more on this later.)
I began to paint my perceptions of energy beyond form. Through abstract language I began to paint portraits of myself in relationship with others.
Concluding observation:
As I move my attention away from the predefined roles, labels, and expectations of who I am in the context of my external world I put my attention on the changing abstract and intangible parts of my current experience (emotions, fears, memories, reactions). As I acknowledge and take ownership over what is real for me in the present, I have the opportunity to take responsibility for my inner experience, and claim the power needed to transcend old detrimental patterns. I become my real-time creator of self.
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2012: Abstract Themes: Connection beyond the physical
In 2012 a traumatic experience prompted me to move into the freedom of abstraction. I had intense emotion in my body that needed to process. I did not have the the time to spare to accurately paint the human figure or any other form. Painting a known form requires analysis of the mind. It would have taken me out of my visceral body experience and blocked me from releasing the pain it was holding. Moreover, form is limiting. I needed freedom to move, freedom to feel, and freedom from the expectations , judgements and beliefs of others. As I processed my emotions, the abstract shapes and colors revealed memories — beliefs and ideas I had been holding as truth that were not only untrue, they weren't even mine! I was able to begin sifting through what was mine and that which belonged to the people in my life. I was now searching for MY true experience, my fears, needs, and motivation. In searching, I found that I carried a tremendous amount of baggage that was not mine and I was able to begin releasing it (easier said than done). Painting these images abstractly gave me anonymity. My subject was my Self, my own inner abstract. It was my feeling, my beliefs, my memories and confusion. It was my search for my Self; a search for what is real at my essence. Abstraction became a healing tool that transmuted my pain. I let my body move the way she wanted and needed to. I let my body choose what colors to mix and how to thrust it onto the canvas. The result was transformative. I was not fully healed, but the expression that needed voice came out and the result was an image that I believe held the vibration of my sincere search for truth and the healing that came with it. I believe this because these particular paintings received the most potent response from my viewers to date. All of these paintings sold off the easel before they even had a chance to be exhibited. |
"Blue" Oil on Panel. 48x48 inches. 2013
"Power Play" Oil on 3 joined panels. 48x48 inches. 2014
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The result of my processing through abstraction was connection. I came to know that the truth of my healing and new connection with Self was not only beautiful to look at, but also felt by viewers. This positive impact, the connection with others as I connect to self, became my new thread of curiosity.
Concluding observations:
My most authentic expression exists beyond form. As I give voice to my authentic self I magnetize relationship and conversation with the authenticity of others, creating new opportunity for collaboration and shared growth.
Concluding observations:
My most authentic expression exists beyond form. As I give voice to my authentic self I magnetize relationship and conversation with the authenticity of others, creating new opportunity for collaboration and shared growth.
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2013-2017: Gestation
Themes: Connection with Human Nature
After these paintings I went into a gestational period in which I stopped working and rarely left my home. In that time I led and co-led an international women’s group that focused on feminine styles of relating and leadership. As I connected with these highly conscious women on a daily basis I transformed the way I receive and offer different types of impact in my communication and relationship. My way of engaging in relationships elevated dramatically. 2016 and 2017 represented a period of contraction and massive change. The revelations were so transformative that my entire world began to take new shape; I sustained an injury to my stomach/solar-plexus which initiated a reset toward a new partnership with my body. Simultaneously the ten years I spent with my then-husband came to an end. As each aspect of my world shifted I began searching for a new access point in my painting. Only able to paint seated for short periods of time, I painted what I now call healing portals. I began these on my living room floor and continued my exploration at a residency with Alex Grey and Allyson Grey. Each tiny painting (8.5x8.5 inches) served as healing processes and an access point for much needed guidance and support. My colors and shapes varied to represent the pain I was in and the healing I was seeking physically, emotionally, psychologically and even spiritually. Within the structure of these circles, I began mapping my healing process in abstract language. In my physical discomfort I met my emotional and psychological discomfort. I felt everything. Athletes leave it all on the field. I left it all on the canvas. What was left in the end was a vibration of healing, and transcendence of the old pain in exchange for a newly realized strength within myself. I completed my gestational process and began my new life alone in the Arizona desert, at the Arthub Artist Residency. Concluding Observation: As I allow myself to fully accept my discomfort or pain, I connect with the parts of myself that are calling for compassion. As I allow myself to feel and express my pain, and give voice to my unmet needs I offer myself the compassion previously sought from external sources. As I hold myself with compassion, I soften my attachment to suffering and open to receiving new possibilities of restoring balance and strength. |
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2018: Abstraction as Freedom
Themes: Connection with Transient Self
My current work is abstract, but to me each painting is a clear map showing a landmark of where I have been and where I am headed. The abstract elements organize into a guiding language that brings me present and leads me forward. My abstract language has proven itself as a tool for me in three ways:
As I painted these images I had no plan. In my studio I would sense for an energy or feeling within myself that needed to move. Maybe it was the shape of loneliness, or the color of a childhood memory. I'd add the marks to the canvas, sit back, and feel into them and myself until I felt the next movement ready to surface. This feeling was the subtle shift from stillness to action. The energy body initiates and guides. The body does the work. The mind interprets the exposed truth. Each painting revealed itself like a photo developing in a darkroom. And the meaning and personal breakthroughs that they held were revealed in exactly the same way. I'd be 75% of the way through a piece and finally say to myself "Oh, that's what this is about." The new wisdom became present in my mind, though it had already existed since the first mark in the painting. Proof to me that the mind is usually the last one to the party. I continue to reference the parts of myself that are abstract. With each mark I am communicating that which is abstract within myself. And these parts of myself, that have had little to no voice for years, drowned out by the chatter and control of my mind, these abstract parts become more real, more alive, more loud and clear in their voice. They have always been there. They are the truest parts of myself, the motivators for my existence. It is very hard to hear these parts of myself through the mind chatter. When I am in relationships, it can be even more challenging to discern what is true and mine, versus what I'm feeling just from impact and influence of the other person. Abstraction as a tool for developing personal awareness When I view abstract art forms, I experience only myself in response to an image that is factual, but not pointing to anything known. So whatever arises within me in response, whether it be anger, rejection, sadness, memories, joy, or otherwise, it is all mine. I can see myself clearly when the Other is not a person, but is just a reflection of the various abstract parts of myself. My instinctual reaction to this reflection is just my own symphony of inner voices that have longed to sing and be heard. If I allow these voices within me to be heard, to be felt and allowed without rejection or suppression, I begin to awaken these parts of myself that have been dormant, or perhaps expressed only through the filters that I imagine other's will approve of. Engaging myself through abstract art frees me and allows these intangible parts of my psyche to express in the ways that are most natural and necessary. When I feel pain or anger in response to a gesture or color on the canvas, I have a choice. Will I accept the discomfort of my anger and all the judgment I may place upon it, or will I allow my anger to be felt, knowing that it already lived inside of me before this painting came into view. I can ask myself, "What am I angry about? How do I need to acknowledge it and give it voice?" As I become curious about my anger, and own it as mine without blame or attempted escape, I come into deeper connection with myself. I can follow the same process with my joy as I can with my anger and sadness. This is for all emotions. Practicing with abstract imagery is far safer and easier for me than practicing with a person. Another person will inevitably bring their own "baggage" and variables to the equation. A painting is stimulating yet neutral. This process can be applied whether you are the viewer or the creator of a piece of art. Finding your Self through the color in a painting or the mark of a drawing creates a momentary container during which an emotion is activated and felt without any substantial impact to the body or ego. Often what is at stake is the ego. To protect itself your ego will tell you that the level of damage to your ego will be enough to bring death to your physical body as well. Death is what is feared the most, but too often we're fighting for our lives over an energetic power struggle. The ego is dead when it is no longer in control. This means the ego cal still be present to offer service, but it is not occupying more than 49% of the conscious life force. |
"Rainbow Child" Oil on prepared paper. 16x16 inches. 2017
"Seed of Potential" Oil on prepared paper. 20x20 inches. 2017
"Gateway to the New World" Oil on prepared paper. 20x20 inches. 2017
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This is not about fixing. This is about connecting, and loving what is true in myself. Abstraction has given me the freedom to love what arises and to acknowledge the absolute beauty of my own experience, even when it is uncomfortable.
Concluding observations:
As I give voice to the abstract parts of myself through abstract imagery, the intangible parts of myself become tangible and more real for myself and others to experience. Experienced reality shifts.
As I release my attachment to form, I come into deeper relationship with the vibrational part(s) of myself that is most real and enduring.
As I release the belief that my mind is in control of my experience, I receive limitless guidance and inspiration that is available to me through intangible or undefinable sources.
Abstraction is the language of our future and evolution.
Concluding observations:
As I give voice to the abstract parts of myself through abstract imagery, the intangible parts of myself become tangible and more real for myself and others to experience. Experienced reality shifts.
As I release my attachment to form, I come into deeper relationship with the vibrational part(s) of myself that is most real and enduring.
As I release the belief that my mind is in control of my experience, I receive limitless guidance and inspiration that is available to me through intangible or undefinable sources.
Abstraction is the language of our future and evolution.
As I look back, I feel such joy and appreciation for having had the opportunity to paint and embody this full spectrum of experience from dissonant separation to loving connection. I look forward to what awaits, beyond this place in time; more connection, deeper communication and all the stumbles and victories that surely await.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and support me in my work. You are valued.
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